This was a winning entry in our “Write Something to Share” contest and is written by Dana, who writes at I Already Gave My Right Arm To Be Ambidextrous!

After coping with pain for many years, it becomes a way of life.  I’m truly not being negative – I’m just stating a fact.  If you live with chronic pain, you understand what I’m talking about completely.  You learn to give yourself more time, to plan ahead, to always expect that things could change at the last minute, and above all, to give yourself a lot of slack.  You have to learn to not be too hard on yourself.

I cope with my pain better than a lot of others I know, and I cope much better than I did when the pain first began.  There is a learning curve.  I’ve learned that I can’t blame myself for what follows when the pain days are bad, or worse than usual.  There’s no reason to put more stress on myself by putting blame on me for something that I didn’t cause.

I’m the type of person who’s always been extremely hard on myself in order to challenge myself and accomplish goals in my life.  Yes, I think that’s important most of the time, but not when it comes to chronic pain.  I’ve learned that chronic pain is almost like a characteristic that makes me who I am, that can’t really be changed because it’s a part of me.

For instance, I’m short — 5 feet, 1¾ inches.  I can’t make myself taller than that.  I can wear heels, but when I take my pumps off, I’ll always be 5, 1¾.  So, with pain, I will always have it.  I can cope better with it by taking pain medications, practicing relaxation techniques, exercising, resting throughout the day, proper stretching, proper shoes, etc.  But the pain will always be there – it’ll never completely disappear. I’ll have bad pain days, and I’ll have better pain days, but I’ll never have pain free days.  I accept it.  It’s a part of my life.

I can’t really say you get used to it, but I have gotten stronger as a person because of the pain.  Not necessarily physically, but mentally, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually, I am a superhero.  That is how strong I am!

Because of the ability to cope so well with day-to-day chronic pain, and not allowing it to run my life, I’m able to use these coping skills in other ways in my life.  It’s amazing how much more life I have now that I’ve transferred my pain coping skills into the rest of my life.

OK, so you want examples?  Well, I can give you one HUGE example that’s been the biggest change in my life!  This past December, my husband and I adopted a baby boy.  He’s our first child.  We had to fly to another state to pick him up, and we got there 6 days before he was born (he was overdue).  We were able to pick him up and take him with us from the hospital when he was just 4 days old.  Luckily, from the very first night with us, he slept through the night 5 to 6 hours at a time.

At this point, my body was faced with probably one of the biggest stresses possible – feedings every 2 hours, diaper changes, carrying the baby constantly, bouncing the baby, holding the bottle for 30 minutes at a time in the same position, putting on a diaper, etc.  All of these things I was able to do.  I just have to do them in a different way than other mommies do.  It also may take me a little bit longer.  I’ve learned to love the slings to carry him close to me.  I’ve also learned to love pillows to lay him on when I feed him and prop him up, and to prop my own arms up.  I’ve learned easier ways to make up his bottles and to change his diapers and even to give him a bath.  I may do things a little differently, but I get everything done and have a very happy and healthy baby boy who is thriving!

I’ve learned that just as I must be patient with my own body because of the pain, I must be just as patient with my baby boy who cries a lot.  I may not always know what he needs, or it may take a while to figure it out, so I must use that patience that I know so well with my own body.  I’ve learned to take care of the tasks that have to get done and put the others off until I’m able to do them.  Those tasks will keep.  Taking care of me is very important too.  I can’t put me off because if I flare, who will be there for the baby?  I do my best to make sure I get the rest I need, to eat healthy, to take my meds, and to exercise when I can.  By taking care of myself, by making sure that the baby is taken care of, and by putting off the less important tasks, I’ve not had any flaring in these past 2 ½ months.

We had a major unexpected event occur during the adoption process, when the birth family found out that I had a joint disease and wanted to back out of the adoption agreement with us.  I was devastated!  For the first time in a long time, I allowed my chronic pain conditions to define me!  That was so unlike me!  I stood back, took a good hard look at my life and why we were adopting, and realized that this was what we had always wanted — to raise a family.  So we were going to make this happen!  My rheumatologist spoke to the birth family about how I was coping so well and was very capable of raising a child.  He had no doubts.  The family then decided to go with their previous decision and place the baby with us!  We were excited and nervous all at once, but we felt we were ready at this point in our lives.

Even with all the stress of a new baby, I’m making it because of my fabulous coping skills from having chronic pain.  I’ve never been happier.  It was worth the wait.  In a way, I can thank my chronic pain for helping me to be a better mom.  If it weren’t for my chronic pain, my coping skills wouldn’t be this perfected.  I wouldn’t be able to handle the daily stresses of motherhood and the unexpected stresses that life throws at you as well.  So, thank you, chronic pain.

And thanks to Dana for sharing her story.