Family Issues #3

On Fridays, I’ve been having a series of posts about family issues and your pain. Pain conditions affect not only you, but also your family… your husband or wife… your children… your Mom and Dad… even your friends.

These posts are excerpts from a handout for family members (and friends) of patients with pain that I’ve written with a colleague, Dr. David Kannerstein, who is the lead author.  The excerpts are reprinted with permission from Practical Pain Management, 2007, Vol 7, 48-52.  We’ve written this handout to provide information for family members and to help them with what they’re going through.

You’re invited to copy these posts and discuss them with your loved ones.  If you’d like a copy of the complete handout, information is available at the end of today’s post.

How can family members take care of themselves, too?  It’s very important to realize that the stress of pain disorders affects not just the patient, but the whole family.  That means that family members need to take extra care to look after themselves, too!

6. As a family member, how can I take good care of myself, too?

Consider these suggestions:

• Maintain a healthy life style.  Keep exercising (or start), socialize with family and friends, and eat right.
• Find others to help with the care of your loved one.  This may be other family members or friends.  This will allow you to take a break at times.  (Your loved one may also feel less guilty if the burden doesn’t all fall on you!)
• Don’t personalize your loved one’s behavior.  If they’re grouchy or depressed, don’t see it as an attack on you but as a reflection of their pain.
• Avoid being either too babying or too harsh toward your loved one.  Remember they’re not doing this on purpose and are suffering just as you are.  Gently encourage them to function in spite of the pain and to do as much as possible for themselves.
• Look for support wherever you can find it.  If there’s a support group for loved ones of patients with pain, join it (or start one if there isn’t already one).  Don’t isolate yourself from friends and family.  Participate in your church, synagogue, mosque or other religious or spiritual organization.  If prayer or meditation is helpful, plan time to do it.
• Learn as much as you can about your family member’s condition and the available medical and other treatment options, and discuss them with your loved one when he or she is ready to talk.
• Consider talking things over with your own therapist or counselor to help you cope better.

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Next Friday… Family Issues #4:  How should I respond when my loved one’s in pain?  How much should I do to be helpful?

You’re welcome to copy this handout from this site, with a notation that it’s from www.howtocopewithpain.org.  For a copy of the complete handout, you can contact my co-author Dr. David Kannerstein at dkanner@comcast.net.  David Kannerstein is a psychologist in private practice with Margolis Berman Byrne Health Psychology in Philadelphia and SRI Psychological Services in Jenkintown, PA.  He specializes in helping individuals and their families manage chronic pain.