So, how are you doing with your new habit?  If you chose practicing pain managements skills regularly, how are you doing with that?

Sharing how you’re doing and getting feedback can be very helpful to make progress with your new habit.  Today and next Monday, we’ll look at how readers are doing with changing their habits.

RP writes:

Well, I deal with my pain by first drinking alcohol and crying hysterically alone, while I’m lost in the life that I can’t escape.  I have terror-filled moments when I try to begin to figure out what it means to face pain.

Then I start trying to find the sunshine in my days, even when I’m being surrounded by utter pain inside and out.  I’m choosing to fill my wounded, empty cup with happiness I believe dwells inside me.  I try to discover the soul that is me – which breathes and feels and has been there this whole entire time.

RP is having a challenging time dealing with pain, and is searching for ways to “face the pain,” ways to cope.  She is in both the preparation and action stages of coping with pain.  That is, she is deciding what techniques to use to cope with pain, and is trying some of them.

What might help?

In the preparation stage, you develop a plan to use new coping skills, figure out what might get in the way, and how to best set things up to be successful with changing your habit.

RP might consider writing down a specific plan to ”find the sunshine.”  What does this mean, exactly?  What are some ways to do this?  What will get in the way of doing this everyday?

In the action stage, you put into place your plan for changing a habit and then jump in to your new behavior.  Some things will work well and some won’t.  It’s a time to get lots of experience with how things go, so you can fine-tune your habit-change plan.

So how is “finding the sunshine” going?  When does it go well, and when is it hard to do?  RP is trying some new approaches, which I would describe as focusing on the positive and adding positive activities, as well as rediscovering who she is, in addition to having pain.

These are great approaches.  What might not work so well:

• multiple ideas are a lot to focus on at once
• RP’s plans are general, rather than specific
• it’s not clear if RP actually did the preparation stage; if you don’t, you miss out on the opportunity to develop a plan for how you’ll implement your habit change

Suggestions for RP:

• choose 1 new way to “find the sunshine”
• write down specifically when and how she’ll do it
• what might get in the way, and how will you address that
• write down specifically how it will fit with her goals

So it might look like this:

New Habit:  Add 1 positive activity to my day, each day.

How I’ll do this:  At the beginning of each week, I’ll write down 1 activity on my calendar that I’ll do each day.  I’ll also write down the time of day that I’ll do it.

What might get in the way?  I may not have any ideas.

How would I handle that?  I can use some lists on the internet to get ideas (funny movies, fun enjoyments) or I can ask a friend.

How does this help me reach a goal?  Pain is making me sad, and I want to be happier.

By writing it down, you make a commitment to do it.  By including a specific time to do an activity, you make success more likely.  You look at what might get in the way, and figure out how to deal with that, so it’s easier to stay on track.

Although RP is also coping in ways that aren’t positive – drinking, being alone - don’t tackle trying to change everything at once.  One step at a time, and things can improve!

What suggestions do you have for RP?

Other articles in this series:

• How to change a habit, part 1
• How to change a habit, part 2
• Breathing exercises, part 1
• Relaxation exercise, part 1
• Breathing exercises, part 2
• Habit-helper websites
• How are you doing with your new habit?
• Try 1/2 a habit
• Visualization
• Feedback on changing habits, part 1
• Feedback on changing habits, part 2
• Guided imagery, part 1
• Guided imagery, part 2
• Stress management, part 1
• Stress management, part 2