This article is by Gail, the writer of a new blog A Flourishing Life.  This is the winning submission for our guest article contest.  Congratulations, Gail!

“Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”    Unknown author

If we’re really honest with ourselves, isn’t it true that we sometimes treat our pain as if it’s a very unwelcome visitor?  We want it to disappear, never to return again.  We reject it, hate it, feel angry at it, fight it – anything but make friends with it.

Pain is a visitor that may not be leaving any time soon, which invites the question:  Can we make peace with pain?

Wage War or Cultivate Peace
Making peace with pain involves a radical shift from trying to control it to getting to know it as it is and welcoming it in.  Certainly, if you’re in pain, it’s wise to do everything possible to minimize it.  But if pain remains despite your efforts to manage it, you’re faced with a dilemma.  The pain is present in your experience – it’s unlikely to evaporate.  What kind of host are you going to be?

Let’s take a look at what happens when we resist pain.  When our attempts to control or eliminate it fail, we start down a very unhappy road.  We experience unpleasant reactions such as frustration, anger, stress, and hopelessness.  Our minds are filled with discouraging thoughts and our bodies choked with tension.  There is pain, then strong reactions to the pain – an inner war in which everyone is a loser.

The path to peace invites us to befriend all of our experience – the pain and our reactions to it.  We welcome them in with curiosity, to see what they’re actually like.  Resisting pain leaves our actual experiences unexamined.  We’re caught up in our stories and emotions about the pain, which distract us from knowing them directly.

When we stop the effort of resisting, we become intimately familiar with our experiences.  We’re no longer fighting them.  The inner war is put to rest.  We’re integrated, relaxed, and at peace.

The Process of Welcoming Experience

Seeing things as they are unravels our mental and emotional whirlwinds.  We can perpetuate stories and emotional habits by paying attention to them, or we can investigate the experience of them directly.

Our direct experience consists of thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations.  The goal is simply to notice your experiences as they are.  You’re  not trying to change them, cling to them, push them away, or banish them.  You simply welcome them in to see the truth of what’s actually happening.

There’s no way that this method can fail because you’re not expecting any given outcome.  You’re merely seeing the truth of your experience.

Start with an attitude of openness and friendliness.  Be a curious explorer, willing to be kind to whatever you discover.

Now bring your attention to your inner world, and inquire, “What am I actually experiencing right now?”  With each question, take your time to allow the answers to become clear.  If it’s helpful, you may consider writing your responses.

What you find may be difficult to be with.  See how tender you can be toward these experiences.  They may have been waiting a very long time for your precious attention.  You can ask yourself, “Can I let go of struggling with what’s actually happening?”

If you notice resistance arising, then investigate resistance, as that’s your current experience.  Everything is included; all experience is available, waiting to be known by you.

Exploring Thoughts

Thoughts come in many forms: expectations, memories, hopes, plans, labels, categories, ideas, stories.  First, notice the thoughts that are in your mind.  Just use your awareness to observe what you’re thinking.  Especially look for any stories you’ve created about your experience of pain.  Inquire into thoughts by asking:

• Are these thoughts actually true?
• Is thinking them stressful or peaceful?
• How do they view the world?
• Is there an emotion present underneath the thoughts?

Exploring Feelings

Feelings or emotions include fear (anxiety, nervousness), anger (rage, frustration), and sadness (grief, despair).  You might also notice guilt, shame, loss, hurt, or many others.  Explore your feelings by asking:

• What emotion am I feeling?
• If I take away thoughts, what is my direct experience of this emotion?
• Can I make space for this emotion to be as it is?
• How does this emotion view the world?
• Are they any other emotions that want to be seen?

Exploring Physical Sensations

Physical sensations may be obvious or subtle.  They may show up anywhere in your body.  Approach this exploration of physical sensations with a fresh view.  You may be very familiar with certain patterns of sensations in your body.  Let those go, and see things exactly as they are in this very moment.

• What am I experiencing in my body in this moment?
• Can I open to them?
• Can I let these physical sensations be as they are?
• Are there any other sensations that want to be seen?

Make peace with pain by embracing your experiences as they are.  Make this a lifestyle, a way of being.  When you put down the weapons that fight with your pain, the suffering falls away.  Turn your attention directly into your experiences, no matter what they are, and you’ll discover that peace is available, possible – in every moment.

Thanks to Gail for a wonderful article!