How do you handle life’s small obstacles…
- only 1 egg left in the frig, when your recipe calls for 2?
- your child leaves her dish and glass by the tv… again?
- a flat tire?
And how about life’s big problems, like your pain disorder?
A new study shows that self-compassion is needed when things go badly for us.
Mark Leary, a Psychology Professor at Duke who’s the lead author of the study, reports that the ability to treat yourself with kindness helps eliminate the anger and depression that can come with problems.
What does self-compassion involve?
- self-kindness
being kind and understanding towards yourself, rather than critical - seeing your own humanity
viewing your own negative circumstances as part of the human experience - mindful acceptance
not getting overwhelmed by your own suffering, and learning to accept your situation
Are you able to show yourself kindness?
The study is published in the May 2007 issue of Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
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5 responses so far ↓
Socrates // Aug 22, 2007 at 11:07 am
Your post made me think about an article I read in the Journal of Pain about how Hinduism and pain. If you believe in Karma, which Hindus believe in, then don’t you believe that you deserve the pain? And if you believe that you deserve the pain, then doesn’t this make it more difficult to be kind to yourself when you’re in pain? So if you believe in Karma, doesn’t it make it more difficult to be kind to yourself when you’re in pain?
How to Cope with Pain // Aug 22, 2007 at 12:00 pm
How I understand Hinduism’s view is that karma isn’t punishment, but rather a natural consequence of past behavior.
So let’s say you’ve just told your child not to run on a sidewalk - it’s bumpy and he might fall - but he continues running, falls, and skins his knees. Falling and hurting himself is a natural consequence of his behavior, and of not listening to you. However, you’d still comfort him, “being kind” to him.
In this same way, even if you believe your pain is “deserved” through karma, there’s no point in beating yourself up about it. Hinduism would just say it’s time to refocus on God and your sacred duty.
Socrates // Aug 22, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Even if karma isn’t punishment, if I have bad karma, then shouldn’t I regret the mistakes I’ve made. If I am like the child who falls and skins his knee because he didn’t listen to his mother, then I might think that ‘if only I had listened to my mother, then this would never have happened’. Are you saying that it is “pointless” to have regrets about mistakes you have made if you believe in karma?
How to Cope with Pain // Aug 22, 2007 at 2:55 pm
I see “having regret” about past bad behavior different from being unkind to yourself. Having regret is useful if it makes us change our current behavior. Being unkind to ourselves serves no purpose that I see - it’s just punishment.
Socrates // Aug 22, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Are you saying that one shouldn’t regret one’s past mistakes if the word “regret” involves either one of the following two senses?
1. To feel sorry, disappointed, or distressed about.
2. To remember with a feeling of loss or sorrow; mourn.
If one can think about one’s past mistakes without having a feeling of disappointment, then perhaps this is a good thing, something that should be encouraged. And perhaps that’s the reason that karma believers focus on God or one’s duty. By doing this one might be less inclined to feel disappointed. So perhaps we should follow Edith Piaf’s words when she sings, “Non, je ne regrette nien.”
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